Monthly Archives: November 2015

Creating a valumometer for your employees

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Busy managers seem to fail to make time to assess the work of their employees. They give an assignment, and if it gets done roughly in time and with good enough work, it is good enough for them. Big companies have analysts that keep track of everything. They might take notes on your attitude, how many seconds late you were, and god knows what else. They understand that the little signs can be indications of how well someone will do in the long run. If you can determine the value of your workers, you can optimize them to have an ideal labor force.

So, if you run a smaller company, how do you determine the value of your various employees? You need to keep track of everything they do. You need to assess their abilities at various skills, the ups and downs of their attitude, how well they get along and communicate with others, how on time (or not) they are, etc. You need to integrate multiple factors in a single algorithm to create the ultimate valumometer. The fun part is that your employee’s value will go up and down like the stock market. The point of this exercise is that with a good system in place, you will know exactly when to fire someone. You’ll also know when to hire someone new who you are testing out. Remember, the value of the valumometer is even more when testing out new people rather than just blindly hiring them.

Paint Ball where the enemy is dressed like your boss

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Have you ever played paint ball or seen it on television? It’s actually a dangerous game. You have to wear safety goggles or the paint can take an eye out. People run around in the woods, hide, and them ambush each other with guns that fire paint balls. I guess some people just have the need to be in a war from time to time. Personally, I’m satisfied with a good hike or walk at the beach, but that’s just me.

My partner thought it would be more fun if you could play paint ball where the enemy is dressed like your boss or who looks like your boss. That might be an attractive game for many. It might even be healthy to get your aggression out at your boss so that you can be more peaceful in the workplace. But, is it really healthy to have that hostility towards your boss to begin with? Should you get a raise if you defeat the guy dressed like your boss at paintball? Or maybe it would be better if you would be partners with the guy who looks like your boss — that way if you cooperate you both win.

In real life, it is better to be on the same team as your boss, otherwise the relationship is doomed towards failure. But, work stress as it is, no matter what you do, nothing would be worse than being partners with your boss’s wife — unless you’re really looking for trouble! Of course if you were George Costanza, you would probably get caught at an inopportune moment dating the boss’s daughter and then pretend you didn’t know that they were related.

GEORGE : “You — him… He’s your father? Ha! I never would’ve known. No really, I never would have guessed. You don’t look a bit like him. No family resemblence. None — absolutely none! Absolutely none whatsoever! But, you do have the last name though. Yeah, I noticed that. But, I didn’t think anything of it.

BOSS: You were with my daughter in a stall in the men’s bathroom? What in hell were you doing together there?

GEORGE: Well, you see there’s a very logical explanation for all this really.

BOSS: You know something — I just don’t want to hear it. George — you’re fired!

GEORGE: Fired? Oh… any chance for a little leeway here, you know, with Christmas and all?

BOSS: Get out!

A Filipino Call Center gets a 250 seater job from 123outsource.net!

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A company just called me from the Philiipines about their call center. They said they had a listing on 123outsource.net and just was offered a huge job. The job was from a huge company who is going to test them out with a sixty day job for ten seats. If all goes well, then they will be needing 250 call center representatives from this company to help them out. The call center in Manila who got this job is going to be purchasing multiple listings from us now that they know our directory attracts serious business. This particular assignment is a multi-million dollar contract and I am proud to say it derived from the hard work I put into my online directory over the past several years! Many call centers advertise with us, but this is the best story so far.

If you want to get more business to your call center or call centers, contact us at info@123notary.com and we can discuss your options. “Regular” positions are US$200 per year and show up above the free listings on our site. If you are serious about any type of outsourcing profession and want to advertise, we would love to hear from you!

A story about outsourcing invitations to a bicycle event

Categories: Outsourcing Articles | Leave a comment

Brian was a nice guy. He was a teacher and worked hard organizing his cycling events. He reached out to thousands on Facebook and even had a newsletter that he was constantly adding to. But, it got to be too much for him talking to all of his followers and coordinating events. He needed help. So, he outsourced his content creation to a nearby company. They had access to amazing photos that they could add to his Facebook posts, and had lots of experience. Brian knew he had it made.

His last event had two hundred people coming of all ages and genders to ride through the hills of Los Angeles. Little did he know that with his new found help, he would have even more members. Below is a copy of the message put out on Facebook.

Attention Bikers!
Come to our tour of the Los Angeles Hills. We will be touring scenic areas and then meeting for lunch in Malibu at the Thai Bistro. Bring your friends and family!

So, it was the morning of the 4th. His usual crowd of two hundred bicyclists showed up. But, then there was a very loud sound in the distance. Broom —- Broom — Broom. What was that sound? It sounded like motorcycles in the distance. They were getting closer. They were coming to join the event. Brian was befuddled as to why these motorcycle gangs (with their tattoos and leather jackets) had come to their bicycle event.

ROCCO: Hey, we’re here for the tour of the hills. (he waves his gang of 20 behind him)

COORDINATOR: Oh, we were not expecting motorcyclists to be joining us.

ROCCO: Well, I have my i-phone right here, and on the invitations it says, “Attention Bikers!” We’re bikers.

COORDINATOR: Hmm, we outsourced that to one of those social media companies. They didn’t know that the word cyclist is a person who rides a bicycle while a biker is one who rides a motorcycle. One of those subtle differences in the English language! They hire a lot of Asians who are not completely fluent in English at that company. They’re a nice crowd, but they don’t always understand the nuances of the English language. But, that’s never been a problem so far!

ROCCO: We like subtle nuances, don’t we guys?

GUYS: What?

ROCCO: (yelling) We like subtle nuances, don’t we guys?

GUYS: Yeah! I feel like a nuance right now! I could pick up four of those nuances right now (looking at the lean bikers.)

COORDINATOR: Oh no, they are not nuances, a nuance is a small change in meaning from using a slightly different word.

ROCCO: Oh, well I like that too. Kind of like the difference between a citizen and an associate.

GUYS: Oh, ho ho ho — those cagers.

COORDINATOR? What?

ROCCO: You see, you lack the linguistic sensitivity to understand our unique biker language.

COORDINATOR? Aparantly so.

ROCCO: This is just a hunch, but I’m picking up vibes that you are not biker friendly.

COORDINATOR: Well, we cater to those who ride motorless bikes — let’s just phrase it that way since we are both into semantics.

ROCCO: Well you can enjoy your semantics and your social media company of morons. We’re going on without you.

COORDINATOR: What a shame!

CYCLIST CROWD: What a relief!