PASSENGER: Hello? Hi, I need some snacks over here in h-1
AGENT: H-1, isn’t that a type of visa?
PASSENGER: For you maybe, but for me it’s my seat number. I’m kinda thirsty here.
AGENT: For root beer press 1, for ginger ale press 2, for coke press 3, for Pepsi press 4, for lemonade press 5, and for liquor press 6.
PASSENGER: They always wait till the last digit for the most relevant information. Gee, I thought I was talking to a live person. Tell you what. Skip the booze. Make it 3 for coke.
AGENT: Sorry, but we’re temporarily out of Coke.
PASSENGER: Okay, then 1, I’m in a root beer type of a mood.
AGENT: Okay, your root beer will be delivered to you in approximately…. oh, please hold.
(5 minutes later)
PASSENGER: Where’s my root beer? I’m completely dehydrated here.
AGENT: Sorry about that. I’ll need your 16 digit credit card number to purchase this transaction. Due to budget cuts, we’re only giving away Coke for free — and yes, that’s the one thing we are out of.
PASSENGER: Okay, I’m desperate. Now, what about movies?
AGENT: We have a choice of movies tonight. But, would you like to book your ground transportation? We can bring a printout for you and you can use it to get a cab at the airport without waiting and yes — without being put on hold.
PASSENGER: You are speaking my language. I’ll order a cab right now.
AGENT: Okay, I’ll get you a cab from LAX to your address in Century City. Will that be okay sir?
PASSENGER: Super.
AGENT: There’s just one thing
PASSENGER: Not the thing where you put me on hold again?
AGENT: You are really psychic.
SARAH: (ring ring) Hi, I’d like to know who the guy is in H-1.
AGENT: His name is Roger and he’s very thirsty.
SARAH: Well, is he cute?
AGENT: I’m a guy, but I’m gay, and I would say that he’s semi-cute.
SARAH: Well, like what’s his number?
AGENT: I can arrange for you to meet him, but I can’t disclose his personal information any more than his name.
SARAH: I meant on a scale of one to ten.
AGENT: 6. And if I wasn’t gay… 5.
SARAH: Oh, and Where are you located?
AGENT: Sorry, I can’t disclose that.
SARAH: Really, I just heard the captain’s announcement on your end of the phone. Are you on the same plane as us?
AGENT: Oh, well, we’re not in India any more… so, I guess I can disclose my location. I’m just west of Los Angeles, near the Santa Monica Pier… okay, now more closer to Malibu.
SARAH: You’re funny. So ask Roger if he wants to meet me.
AGENT: Got it… (ring ring) Hi Roger. Sorry about putting you on hold for a second time. That is kind of our trademark over here. If you want to meet a foxy blonde press 1, if not then press 2, if you’re not sure then press 3.
PASSENGER: You’re not all out of foxy blondes, are you?
AGENT: No. Just Cokes.
PASSENGER: Okay, why not? While I’m waiting for my root beer I might as well. “1”
AGENT: If you want the foxy blonde to come to your seat press 1, if you want to go to her seat press 2.
PASSENGER: Okay, 2.
AGENT: Disclaimer: if your root beer arrives while you’re out of your seat, it might have to be returned.
PASSENGER: Just deliver a note to the girl’s seat number for “Roger.” Now, what’s her seat number?
AGENT: To learn the girl’s seat number press 1, and then enter your credit card information again.
PASSENGER: You guys are such opportunists!
AGENT: Yeah, but it sure beats Match.com — and is so much faster too. But just like Match, when I ask you about how your relationship is going, you can say that it’s all up in the air.
PASSENGER: Good point… oh here’s my root beer. Okay, here’s my credit information — again.
AGENT: Now you’re ready to visit your new girlfriend in Q3 — an aisle seat. Oh, one more thing.
PASSENGER: Let me guess, you’re going to try to get me to use my credit card for a 3rd time to buy her a drink?
AGENT: Not exactly, but I like the way you think. We were going to try to sell you a pass to the express bathroom after you finish your drink. There’s is a really long line for the regular bathroom and the captain is about to turn on the fasten your seatbelt sign.
PASSENGER: Okay, this is getting to be the point where I hang up on you, but first let me see if I like the girl.
AGENT: One last thing. If you do want the pass to the bathroom, for number one, press 1.