Think about it. This is very practical. People break up with their boyfriends all the time and its not easy to do. Some girls get so mad, they pay someone to beat up their boyfriend if he cheated on them. My opinion is that if you don’t like cheaters, stay away from them. They’re usually easy to spot based on their behavior.
These days, guys like Jimmy Fallon have people tweet the ways they broke up with their boyfriend. One guy was devastated because his girlfriend ended their relationship — with a text! Another guy broke up with his girlfriend on a ski-lift, and then the ski-lift got stuck for thirty minutes — awkward! But, imagine if you break up with your boyfriend by hiring a call center to do it for you?
AGENT: Hello, this is Sujata, may I speak to Jesse please?
JESSE: Hello, this is Jesse.
AGENT: I regret to inform you that your girlfriend wishes to break up with you.
JESSE: She what? I can’t believe this! I thought we were getting along so well. And I took her to the Paladium last week. She loved that.
AGENT: I see. Well, she probably did love that. As a matter of fact, let me check her notes here. Um, yes, she did mention something positive about the Paladium. Apparently that was something you did to make up for a list of 23 things you did which she did not care for.
JESSE: 23 things? I thought it was just my bad breath, and now it’s 23 things?
AGENT: Yes, you see, thing #6 is acting surprised when she tells you something that she has told you umteen times before. I’m not sure exactly what umteen means, but I imagine it is a mathematical figure indicating multiplicity.
JESSE: Yeah, something like that — whatever you said.
AGENT: Yes, and kindly listen to thing #4 which is that you get very upset whenever someone tells you something bad, and it comes as a surprise to you.
JESSE: Kind of like I’m acting now?
AGENT: Well, that is for you to decide.
JESSE: I should have taken her to the Paladium more often… and brushed my teeth too. Come to think of it, I should have created a database of things that were wrong with me on my iPhone so that I could fix them one by one.
AGENT: Yes, we recommend that with relationships, you should try to be in tune with the other person as much as possible and take notes. Listening is also on our list of vigilant practices.
JESSE: So, what do you do about issues with your boyfriend?
AGENT: Well, my husband gets cross with me if I repeat back what he said in a sarcastic tone of voice, so I have learned not to do this. Additionally, when my chapatis are not completely round, he gets all bent out of shape. I tried telling him that it will taste the same once ingested, but he wants them round — so round, they shall be.
JESSE: Chapatis? I’m not sure what that is, but he sounds like a picky dude.
AGENT: Thankfully, we have learned to live together. Perhaps you will find someone who you are able to live with as well. Now, it is time for our survey. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate this call.
JESSE: A survey? Okay 7…. No… 23.
AGENT: I’ll indicate that as 7. On a scale of one to ten, did I answer all of your questions to your satisfaction in clear and understandable English?
JESSE: The “mathematical figure indicating multiplicity” response really threw me. I’ll have to go with a 4 on that one.
AGENT: Well that is just as well as I’m asking you a quantity of questions which also seem to have multiplicity.
JESSE: Yeah, putting it in context really helps. But, I’m sad now, and don’t want to answer this survey.
AGENT: Oh, it won’t take long, there are only another… let me count… 23 questions.. oh, that’s your unlucky number.
JESSE: Yeah, you can say that again.
AGENT: Okay, well I’ll just put down that you politely refrained from responding to our excessively discursive questions.
JESSE: Okay, I’m going to mope now. Have a nice day, and tell your husband to enjoy his pachatis.
AGENT: I’ll do that!
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