A new specialty for your call center — suicide hotline

Suicide hotline
Help people who are committing suicide to change their mind.

Is there too much competition for technical support and appointment setting? Want to do something a little more interesting? There are many companies and government agencies looking to outsource suicide hotline service. Just make sure you train your employees well, or the result might not be so good!

AGENT: Hello this is Sujata from suicide hotline, how may I help you?

FRANK: It’s not worth it anymore. I’m going to end it all now.

AGENT: Oh I see. On a scale of 1 to 10, how strong is your desire to commit suicide?

FRANK: Let me give you a hint, I’m standing at the edge of a 200 foot high bridge overlooking a large river.

AGENT: Hmm. Sorry, I’m new here, let me look this up. Rivers… Ummm. Let me ask someone. Hey Ramesh, what would rivers be on a scale of 1 to 10?

RAMESH: Um, just consult the manual. Here.

AGENT: It says nothing about rivers. I read the whole thing and know it by heart.

RAMESH: Just make up a number or ask Sanjay after he’s back from break.

AGENT: Can you just stay there on that bridge. We are waiting for our manager to come back from lunch.

FRANK: No trouble, I’m not in a huge hurry. It’s not like I have anything to do with my life anymore anyway — which is why I’m ending it.

(10 minutes later)

SANJAY: Oh, I didn’t realize you hadn’t been trained yet.

AGENT: Well, you see I was, but they did not cover rivers. If someone is going to jump into a river from a high elevation, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much would that be?

SANJAY: It depends on their intention. If they really mean to do it, that is probably a 10. But, if they are just bluffing, perhaps a 6.

AGENT: Oh, in that case I’ll transfer it to Ajay. He specializes in level 6 and 7 calls. Hello Frank? Am I pronouncing your name right?

FRANK: Yes, that’s right. While I’m still alive at least.

AGENT: I’m going ot transfer you to someone who specializes in level 7. Don’t go anywhere.

FRANK: You’re putting me on hold? That’s what my girlfriend did to me which got me into that whole…. (pause — on hold)

AJAY: Hello this is Ajay, may I help you? (pause) Hello? Are we having a bad connection? Hello? Let me transfer you back.

AGENT: Yes Frank, on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our customer service. Hello? Oh, he must have jumped. Maybe they should teach me more about how to handle the 7’s.


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