I know — it sounds like job training for call center agents. This is their opportunity to learn to deal with the toughest clients. But, it’s not. This is a call center agent hotline. They discuss topics such as burnout, mean bosses, suicide, and their poor diet which consists of a lot of fried chicken and hard alcohol (at least according to the blog articles I read about the Philippines.)
AGENT: Hello, this is John, how may I help you?
ALBERT: Hi, this is Albert — and I’m sick of my call center job. I’m sick of my life. I just want to end it all.
AGENT: Try to think of it from an outside perspective looking in. Try to see your entire life as one long call to a call center. It begins when you pick up and ends when you hang up. In the end, it’s all very temporary.
ALBERT: Wow, that is so philosophical — so Buddhist. Too bad I’m Catholic, otherwise I might actually start thinking that way, myself.
AGENT: There is no law in Catholicism that forbids you to entertain deep Buddhist thoughts.
ALBERT: It reminds me of that pop song, “Things that make me say Ohm.” But, if I do commit suicide, I want to do it in a symbolic way, so people will know how I feel. I want to hang myself from a phone cord.
AGENT: Wow, that’s a little too symbolic, too on the nose. If you jumped off a tall call center building, that would be faster and wouldn’t hurt so much.
ALBERT: Thanks. Wait a second, aren’t you supposed to talk me out of killing myself?
AGENT: Okay, for your sake, I hope you’re on a cordless. Actually, we’re just supposed to talk to you. It’s your decision whether to jump or hang. Just one thing, if you do commit suicide, don’t do it while you’re on the phone with me, or I’ll feel like you left me hanging.
ALBERT: Stop, you’re killing me.
AGENT: If you let me know who your boss is, I can arrange for someone to play a dirty trick on him.
ALBERT: You would do that for me?
AGENT: It depends how bad he is.
ALBERT: Who says he’s a he?
AGENT: I have twelve years experience in the business and know how to do anything without even being detected.
ALBERT: Makes sense. I haven’t detected much compassion. Honestly, you were sounding a lot more spiritual a few minutes ago.
AGENT: It’s still there but you can’t detect it.
ALBERT: Wow. You’re good.