Monthly Archives: January 2015

Hiring celebrity sound alikes to work at your call center

January 6, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Humor | Leave a comment

Working at a call center can be really fun or dismally boring depending on what you make of it. Fun call centers have competitions, fun staff, and fun activities. But, what if you went a step further and hired celebrity sound alikes?

It’s Elvis on the phone for you!
Imagine getting a call from Elvis Presley that your phone bill was overdue, or have Steve Jobs help you with your software problem. Imagine that Jennifer Lopez helps you return a product or the Barack Obama worked for a company doing medical process outsourcing! To me it sounds like good fun and possibly profitable as well.

British Accents
Many call centers try to hire people with really convincing British accents from the upper class. That is a quick way to add some class to your call center. Many folks in India have mastered British English, but they always seem to slip back into their Indian English after a few sentences. It might be expensive to hire the real thing, but it might be worth it for your bigger accounts at least as an option! Or if you have an account that needs someone more romantic, perhaps hiring a French, Italian or Argentinian might be the perfect choice. You could pick people to set the mood for any type of product or service if the client is willing to pay for it. But, why not? It would be much more fun for the end users and more fun for management too!

Hiring Real Celebrities
If you had a really good budget, you might even hire a real celebrity for an afternoon to make calls. People might get really excited. They could even send autographs out to callers. It’s too bad Elvis isn’t alive anymore, but there are many impersonators who still are. I remember seeing the Thai Elvis in Thai-town signing classic songs from way back. Unfortunately he got cancer and had to go back to Thailand, but he was famous in Los Angeles for more than a decade!

Splicing Real Celebrity Voices
The next option may or may not be legal, but you could have splices of words that celebrities have said on television and put them together to make a message that you send out by auto-dial at your call center. You might get in a lot of trouble, but you will have a lot of fun doing it, and that will really sound authentic.

In the meantime, I have to go back to the White House for some briefings!

A call center that can break up with your boyfriend for you

January 6, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Humor | Leave a comment

Think about it. This is very practical. People break up with their boyfriends all the time and its not easy to do. Some girls get so mad, they pay someone to beat up their boyfriend if he cheated on them. My opinion is that if you don’t like cheaters, stay away from them. They’re usually easy to spot based on their behavior.

These days, guys like Jimmy Fallon have people tweet the ways they broke up with their boyfriend. One guy was devastated because his girlfriend ended their relationship — with a text! Another guy broke up with his girlfriend on a ski-lift, and then the ski-lift got stuck for thirty minutes — awkward! But, imagine if you break up with your boyfriend by hiring a call center to do it for you?

AGENT: Hello, this is Sujata, may I speak to Jesse please?

JESSE: Hello, this is Jesse.

AGENT: I regret to inform you that your girlfriend wishes to break up with you.

JESSE: She what? I can’t believe this! I thought we were getting along so well. And I took her to the Paladium last week. She loved that.

AGENT: I see. Well, she probably did love that. As a matter of fact, let me check her notes here. Um, yes, she did mention something positive about the Paladium. Apparently that was something you did to make up for a list of 23 things you did which she did not care for.

JESSE: 23 things? I thought it was just my bad breath, and now it’s 23 things?

AGENT: Yes, you see, thing #6 is acting surprised when she tells you something that she has told you umteen times before. I’m not sure exactly what umteen means, but I imagine it is a mathematical figure indicating multiplicity.

JESSE: Yeah, something like that — whatever you said.

AGENT: Yes, and kindly listen to thing #4 which is that you get very upset whenever someone tells you something bad, and it comes as a surprise to you.

JESSE: Kind of like I’m acting now?

AGENT: Well, that is for you to decide.

JESSE: I should have taken her to the Paladium more often… and brushed my teeth too. Come to think of it, I should have created a database of things that were wrong with me on my iPhone so that I could fix them one by one.

AGENT: Yes, we recommend that with relationships, you should try to be in tune with the other person as much as possible and take notes. Listening is also on our list of vigilant practices.

JESSE: So, what do you do about issues with your boyfriend?

AGENT: Well, my husband gets cross with me if I repeat back what he said in a sarcastic tone of voice, so I have learned not to do this. Additionally, when my chapatis are not completely round, he gets all bent out of shape. I tried telling him that it will taste the same once ingested, but he wants them round — so round, they shall be.

JESSE: Chapatis? I’m not sure what that is, but he sounds like a picky dude.

AGENT: Thankfully, we have learned to live together. Perhaps you will find someone who you are able to live with as well. Now, it is time for our survey. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate this call.

JESSE: A survey? Okay 7…. No… 23.

AGENT: I’ll indicate that as 7. On a scale of one to ten, did I answer all of your questions to your satisfaction in clear and understandable English?

JESSE: The “mathematical figure indicating multiplicity” response really threw me. I’ll have to go with a 4 on that one.

AGENT: Well that is just as well as I’m asking you a quantity of questions which also seem to have multiplicity.

JESSE: Yeah, putting it in context really helps. But, I’m sad now, and don’t want to answer this survey.

AGENT: Oh, it won’t take long, there are only another… let me count… 23 questions.. oh, that’s your unlucky number.

JESSE: Yeah, you can say that again.

AGENT: Okay, well I’ll just put down that you politely refrained from responding to our excessively discursive questions.

JESSE: Okay, I’m going to mope now. Have a nice day, and tell your husband to enjoy his pachatis.

AGENT: I’ll do that!

.

Circular spaces create amazing interaction and business!

January 6, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Of Interest | Leave a comment

Most of us do not ponder the world around us enough. We see square office buildings, square people, and square lunches — especially if you eat Bento boxes in Japan. Squares are used in society because they are easy to use. You just stack one square on the other. You can make square city blocks, square buildings, square rooms, and square brains are sure to result from all of this squareness. However, squares are not an optimal shape for interaction. Additionally squares are not found in the cosmos.

Squares do not exist in nature except on planet of the squares
Look at nature. Do you see any squares? Are trees square? How about drops of water? Does grass grow in a square way? How about the shape of leaves? Do planets move in a square path? No! Planetary paths are eliptical. Energy flows around planets are circular. The earth goes around in a circle every 24 hours (which incidentally is not a square number) and the moon goes around the earth. The craters in the moon are circular, and the path of the earth around the sun is an elipse. So, squares do not occur in nature. Perhaps mankind is out of sinc with nature with all of these squares.

What about circles?
I studied feng-shui in a traditional school. Most people think that feng-shui is purely about moving your furniture around and buying silly looking coins and ducks to put in your bathroom. This is a simplification. Feng-shui is the study of how the energies around us affect our health, finances and more. We learned the circular rooms lead to more stimulating discussions. Additionally, circular rooms have better energy flow as the energy can bound around more freely and evenly than in a rigid square or rectangular room. However, I suddenly noticed that in my neighborhood we have three areas where the road is circular. Within these circles which are about 300 feet wide, amazing social events happen daily. People get together with their children, lovers, and friends. They socialize, play games and entertain in these circles. One circle has a place you can barbecue, exercise or just walk around. They even show films in that circle. In another circle there is a cafe with the most friendly staff and customers you can imagine. There is a conversation almost every time and lots of people of all ages around. The last circle has yet another cafe nearby, but not in the actual circle. This circle attracts many people who take walks, and kids play nearby as well. Families have picnics on the picnic tables as well. So, the whole circles in garden design theory seems to lead to amazing socialization.

What about the BPO business? Can circles help?
Google+ believes in circles and they did okay in business. However, it might be hard to find an office building in the shape of a circle unless you build it yourself. But, imagine how offices would be if they were built by extra-terrestrials. I bet they would look very cosmic and be huge circles connected to each other by passovers and walkways. Nobody builds buildings like this now, but if someone starts a trend, it might catch on. I believe you would do better in business if you had a circular office — and I can prove that using circular logic! But, don’t believe me — keep your eyes out for circles in your life and how they affect those around them or within them!

A call center that helps you with getting more followers on Facebook

January 6, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Call Center | Tagged , | Leave a comment

There are call centers that remind you that your medical bills are due. Then, there are technical support and appointment setting call centers. The Philippines seems to dominate the industry, but many other countries like India are in on the game too. But, what about a call centre that helps you with the most pressing frustrations in your life? Let’s think about it. What types of things bother you the most? How to get a date with the guy or girl you like but are afraid to approach and how to get more followers on Facebook.

CLIENT: Hi, this is John — from Albany, NY. There is this girl I have been wanting to ask out for a long time. I am just not sure of the approach.

SUJATA: Well, according to my manual here, you should ideally start with an opener

CLIENT: An opener? You mean like a can opener?

SUJATA: No, I mean an opener line.

CLIENT: Oh, an opening line. Like what?

SUJATA: I have a whole online dictionary of all sorts of picking up phrases. Let me pick up a phrase right now. Let me see… here we go na? So, do you come here a lot?

CLIENT: Well, you see the girl goes to my school. So, I know that she goes there a lot.

SUJATA: Okay okay okay. So, we’ll use this one. Is there a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.

CLIENT: I think that is a line for women to say hi to men in a riskee way, not for men to use on girls.

SUJATA: Oh, I see I see I see I see I see. Okay, I have another one na!

CLIENT: Na? What is na?

SUJATA: Oh, it is just something we say. Perhaps you should use that in your pick up line na?

CLIENT: This is not working. I have one other problem. I need to get more followers on Facebook. I have been on it for three years and only have 126 followers including my mom, sister, and cat.

SUJATA: Oh, that is not bad. Does your cat interact with you a lot on Facebook and share things?

CLIENT: Well, she shared a photo of a dead mouse, and shared my picture of her.

SUJATA: Oh, so sweet. Yes, according to our stats, photos of animals do quite well in Facebook as do photos of food, outerspace, and beautiful natural settings. It is the photos that make you go “awe” that will get shared the most. Perhaps you could have your cat do a selfie with a background of a Nebula or something like this na?

CLIENT: Let me try this. Okay, I’m going to do it with you on the phone. I have photo shop. Fluffie, and now… adding the Orion Nebula… When Santa’s helpers did a selfie, it was more of an “elfie…”

SUJATA: Oh, so you are a comedian too? Okay, I see the photo. I am going to share your photo with my followers. All 200,426 which includes most of my village in Karnataka, half of the computer literate folks in my part of Juhu Beach in Mumbai, and my clients in the United States.

CLIENT: This is amazing. My followers went up from 126 to 2126 in just ten minutes. You are amazing! You are the best Facebook helper I have ever met. As far as the dating tips — uh, maybe not. So, how do you do dating in your country just out of curiousity?

SUJATA: Oh, it is much easier. There are no pick up lines at all. Aunty or mom just meet other aunties, discuss if they have a son. We make sure they are from our subcaste first of course.

CLIENT: Of course! You gotta be from the same subcaste. That goes without saying. And then what?

SUJATA: Then, we learn what the boy’s father’s job is, and how old he is, and what the boy is doing for work etc. We make sure he has a suitable job. Whether we like each other is not part of the equation at all.

CLIENT: Oh, that makes it much easier. Because if you start out liking each other, that usually ends up with hate. Love turns to hate, at least in my dating relationships. If you start not liking each other, at least in the long run, there is a possibility that things could get better — so there would be hope.

SUJATA: Exactly. That is how we look at it too. We figure, that over the course of the marriage, we will eventually learn to love each other. It only took my parents fifteen years to learn to love each other.

CLIENT: Only fifteen years? Not bad.

SUJATA: Then, we invite the boy over and have chai. We decide within a time span of 20 minutes — the time it took me to get you 2000 additional followers on Facebook whether the marriage will work on not. Last, but not least then they ask me if I have an opinion.

CLIENT: So, what is the correct etiquette for you to say yes or no?

SUJATA: If I like the boy and feel he is a suitable match, I simply say yes.

CLIENT: And if you don’t like the boy?

SUJATA: Oh, that is quite straightforward as well. If I don’t like the boy I simply threaten to commit suicide by slitting my wrists with a dull and rusty razor blade if I am forced to marry the boy. That generally works with most Indian families.

CLIENT: Cool. I love it. I’m moving to India. Maybe I’ll have an easier time getting married over there. By the way, what caste would be considered over in your country?

SUJATA: Ummm. Let’s change the subject. Let’s talk about Facebook again. You see, you need to understand the algorithmic relationship between the photo and the line of text in any Facebook post. After a lengthy analysis of your posts, I have concluded that your main area of strength is that….

Popular Scott Eddy Quotes

January 6, 2015 by admin
Categories: Quotes | Leave a comment

I’m not sure if Scott actually created these quotes, but he tweeted them, and they were very inspiring… The last one is something I created under the influence of Scott Eddy’s tweets.

“Good judgment comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgment.
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes!!”

“If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.”

“Friendship is so weird…you just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like “yep I like this one” and you just do stuff with them.”

“Your message was sent, received, seen, ignored, screen captured, sent to friends and ridiculed. #SocialMedia”

“Getting results from other people is one of the hardest things an #Entrepreneur has to do. #Startup”

“There should be a calorie refund for things that didn’t taste as good as you expected.”

My dentist’s motto is:
“Satisfaction guaranteed or your tartar back!” — Jeremy Belmont

Taking your BPO to the next level

January 5, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: BPO | Tagged , | Leave a comment

All of us in business dream of getting to the next level. It is a bit like a video game. We often think that one day something magical will happen and suddenly our number of customers will double and we will need a swanky office downtown with beautiful secretaries. But, in real life, how does it really work?

Growth is never on schedule.
Business is never predictable, especially the BPO business. You might get one or two huge clients overnight that could change everything. Suddenly your call center will go from 20 seats to 60 seats. You won’t have any idea of where those seats are going to go unless you have a way to get flexible office space. You could also lose a few big clients all of a sudden and be demoted back to level 1. Although we can never predict when we will be promoted to the next level, we can build a more solid foundation so we’ll be ready when the promotion comes.

It happened all at once for me.
I remember back in 2002 a psychic friend from meditation was all excited and she said I would have amazing luck with my business and that it would just get better and better. At that point, book sales started to go up, and we started selling a few thousand dollars per month in listings. The very next year in March, we started selling $30,000 a month in advertising and courses. Boy was I excited. I was so happy that I worked 70 hours a week until I burned out and got really tired. At that point, I hired more people to help me clean house and sell products.

Keeping mentally prepared
Some people don’t think big. According to yogic philosophy, everything starts with a thought. The universe started with a thought, airplanes started with a thought, and even lifting your finger starts with a thought. If you think small, or don’t dream about the bigger picture, it may never happen. You need to be mentally accustomed to the idea that you will grow big — it is just that the timing is unpredictable. Think about that car you’ll be driving. Think about how your office and dozens of employees will look. Think of how hard you’ll work and how tired you’ll be until you hire Prashant the trusty right hand man to be your VP. Keep that thought!

But, you also need to be tactically prepared.
If you get that new client who wants 100 seats, you need to know where you are going to put those seats. You need to have some idea of what type of contract you will have with him and how you will select agents. You need to have a lot of the variables worked out in your head. Additionally, day to day good technique and best practices need to be very polished in your business. That way you will know how to train your agents and attain perfect work every time as second nature. If you are in the call center business, you need to be an expert at metrics. If you are in programming, you need to keep an eye on your programmers and see if they finish tasks on time and see if their commenting is clear enough that a new programmer who has never seen the code will understand exactly what is going on. If you do e-marketing outsourcing, you need to be a master of all of the social networks so you can select, train and monitor your workers.

Marketing
Going to the next level can happen in a moment, however the building up of your skill set happens gradually over time. It is good to always be trying to be at the top of your game. Knowing how to run a successful BPO is different from knowing how to market one. There are dozens of marketing techniques from networking to Linked In, online advertising and more to gaining new clients. If your interaction skills and management skills are top notch, you can attract and keep great clients. However, if your skills are lacking in any facet and you lose clients as fast as you get them, you’ll never make it to the next level. Knowing how to find the right people to help you in marketing and management is also critical. If you are always bogged down all the time with work, you won’t have time to go to the next level. So, think about all of this and then plan for how you will make it to level 2.

Applying “Divide and Conquer” to your business

January 5, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Success | Leave a comment

As business people, we can appreciate and learn from the great empires of all time. There were the ancient Hindus, Persians, Greeks, Romans, Muslims, Ottomans, the Spanish, French, and finally the British. The British were famous for their simple yet effective strategy — divide and conquer! As business people, we need to study and learn from the great military minds of the past as their knowledge can sometimes cross-apply to our businesses.

How do you divide and conquer?
The more the world changes, the more it stays the same. Technology keeps changing, but human nature, good writing, and war strategy does not. Analytics provides a way to divide an industry or market into segments. A good marketer understands the different segments and also understands which ones he wants to target for profit. The difference between business and war is that you are not trying to defeat or divide your customers or the market. You are trying to do a siege of someone else’s customers by offering them something better. The dividing part is done by segmenting and using metrics. The conquering part happens when you woo them away from their existing business relationships.

Weakening your competition
If you are a cut throat business person, you will want to weaken your competition. You will want to render their advertising campaigns as useless. You will want to undercut their prices and out-do them on service. If you can cause disloyalty among their troops, all the better. Business is like war. How you play the game is up to you. Many people are quite civilized while others are very brutal and engage in lying, cheating, lawsuits, and more!

Undivide!
If you gradually create very strong bonds with valuable clients and suppliers, you are in a sense undividing yourself which is a key to success. Business is based on connections between people who can help each other, so the better you get at initiating and maintaining strong bonds, the better!

Making routine phone calls with fun & humor

January 4, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Call Center | Tagged | Leave a comment

In any business, you probably need to use the phone a lot. It is very boring and annoying talking to most customer service reps. Sometimes it is good to inject a little humor, at least with US clients. In India, humor might be taken as “unprofessional” or not understood as many people in India just don’t understand the concept of humor — at least not MY humor which involves play on words. Obviously, judge your audience to see if they like particular jokes or not.

I call many people daily for my Notary directory. Calls tend to be very dry and dull. I found a few ways to spice things up.

BEFORE: Hi, this is Jeremy from 123notary, we created a new listing for you and want to make sure the information is correct.
AFTER: Hi, this is Jeremy from 123notary. We created a new listing for you and are calling to verify that you are a real person.

Americans find this really funny. On the internet there are many profiles created by people misrepresenting themselves as someone else or by robots. I get a laugh almost every time from this type of verbiage.

BEFORE:
ME: How many loans have you signed in your career?
CUSTOMER: Oh Gosh, I don’t know.
ME: My form has room for numbers, not paragraphs.

AFTER:
ME: How many loans have you signed?
CUSTOMER: I have no idea.
ME: Well, I need a number to put in the box. A million?
CUSTOMER: Oh, no, not that many.
ME: Half a million?

The ridiculous over-estimate is funny to the clients.

BEFORE:
ME: Do you have a dual tray laser printer?
CUSTOMER: What are the trays for? I only have one tray.
ME: One for legal sized paper and another for letter sized paper.

AFTER:
ME: Do you have a single or dual tray laser printer.
CUSTOMER: Single
ME: Single and ready to mingle.
CUSTOMER: Actually, I have a dual tray at work.
ME: Dual and ready to duel. One tray for legal sized paper and the other tray for ILLEGAL sized paper!
CUSTOMER: Yeah, or perhaps for illegal sized Mortgage Brokers. I know a few!

Perhaps in your business you have some routine calls that you could spice up with humor. These days, life is so dull and unpleasant that a fun person to talk to about boring things with some humor interjected might be the perfect medicine!

Do your employees get distracted surfing the web?

January 4, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Leadership | Leave a comment

It is common for employees to become distracted. There are many forms of distraction at home and in the office. Social media and web surfing in general are two of the most common forms of distractions. But, if you work in an office with many people mulling around, that can be distracting as well. Hard workers can get distracted by their email account as they often want to keep it up to date every five minutes.

Offices vs. Working From Home
If you are trying to focus on getting work done, it is better to be isolated from any people, animals or other distractions. But, most offices are not designed for this. Working in an office makes it easier to get coaching from others, work on group projects or attend meetings. Working in isolation makes it easier to focus on getting work done. I personally work from home and I get a lot more work done than most others. This is true partly because I work with a sense of purpose, but also because I have developed patterns for efficiency over the years.

Managing Distractions
As a manager, it might be a good idea to restrict the use of the internet at work. If it were possible to cut people off the web, that would be one solution. Another solution is to tell them that they are forbidden from using the web for anything other than job assignments. It might be good to monitor people’s computers to see what sites they are visiting on the web as well. However, there is a unique twist you are not thinking of.

Lunch Breaks Decrease Distracted Working
Workers who work too long without taking proper breaks tend to become mentally agitated. Their circulation will be deficient if they don’t walk around much. They might also be hungry if they work too much without eating. But, their minds will experience what Buddhists call “Monkey Mind” after a while as well. Having a lunch break, having a change of scenery, or socializing can decrease distractions. But, having a lunch break is also a great opportunity to catch up on personal emails, Facebook, and other social media. If workers can get the internet out of their system during a generous lunch break, they might function a lot better throughout the day!

Summary
Personally, I would not allow a worker to surf the web during work time because they might get very distracted and the efficiency of their work could really suffer. However, reading an article during a break might make sense. It is more sensible to get your eyes off the computer screen and take a walk. We spend far too much time in front of computers and it is really bad for our eyes, neck, shoulders, and overall circulation!

It’s those little quirky things you say on social media.

January 4, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Social Media | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Many of us social media, and we all use it our own way. Twitter wants us to interact in meaningful ways. They would like Twitter to replace the telephone one day. Of course that will never happen because Facebook has already replaced the telephone, email, and mental telepathy. But, if you want to get more followers on Twitter, you have to please the Twitter gods. They like it when you interact.

Most people write incomplete opinions or one word replies to photos or articles. The key to using Twitter effectively is gaining people’s attention and getting them to like, retweet or comment on your comment. So, what are the secrets.

1. Provide a context in your comment. Sometimes those reading your feed will have no idea what you are talking about unless they click on the original post. That is why it sometimes pay to write a:

RE: Thais in #space
Do they have #Thai massage up there? Make sure the massage #oil doesn’t float around!
#ttot #travel

2. The RE: helps people understand the context, so they will understand the meaning behind your comment or joke. But, it helps to be quirky or funny. You will gain more on Twitter by being selective about what you comment on. Wait for some post that you really have something meaningful to say. And work at your response. You might go through a few versions of a possible response until you find one that fits and is catchy.

3. Tags help your comment get seen on feeds. If you use some popular and contextually relevant tags, you could double or triple the quantity of people who will see your comment.

If your comments get good interactions, Twitter will introduce more followers to you. So, it pays to be thoughtful, interesting and quirky. Sometimes dumb questions that are so dumb that they are funny do the trick.

RE: Mushrooms known to cure cancer
I had a mushroom w/a friend yesterday. Does that mean I won’t get cancer?

Comments that are so dumb, that they are funny can be very popular with Americans. After all, the movie Dumb and Dumber(er) did well here. So, will your lame jokes, especially if you use the tag #lamejoke. So, good luck on Twitter, and may the Twitter gods be with you!

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s a Call Center!

January 3, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Humor | Leave a comment

PASSENGER: Hello? Hi, I need some snacks over here in h-1

AGENT: H-1, isn’t that a type of visa?

PASSENGER: For you maybe, but for me it’s my seat number. I’m kinda thirsty here.

AGENT: For root beer press 1, for ginger ale press 2, for coke press 3, for Pepsi press 4, for lemonade press 5, and for liquor press 6.

PASSENGER: They always wait till the last digit for the most relevant information. Gee, I thought I was talking to a live person. Tell you what. Skip the booze. Make it 3 for coke.

AGENT: Sorry, but we’re temporarily out of Coke.

PASSENGER: Okay, then 1, I’m in a root beer type of a mood.

AGENT: Okay, your root beer will be delivered to you in approximately…. oh, please hold.

(5 minutes later)

PASSENGER: Where’s my root beer? I’m completely dehydrated here.

AGENT: Sorry about that. I’ll need your 16 digit credit card number to purchase this transaction. Due to budget cuts, we’re only giving away Coke for free — and yes, that’s the one thing we are out of.

PASSENGER: Okay, I’m desperate. Now, what about movies?

AGENT: We have a choice of movies tonight. But, would you like to book your ground transportation? We can bring a printout for you and you can use it to get a cab at the airport without waiting and yes — without being put on hold.

PASSENGER: You are speaking my language. I’ll order a cab right now.

AGENT: Okay, I’ll get you a cab from LAX to your address in Century City. Will that be okay sir?

PASSENGER: Super.

AGENT: There’s just one thing

PASSENGER: Not the thing where you put me on hold again?

AGENT: You are really psychic.

SARAH: (ring ring) Hi, I’d like to know who the guy is in H-1.

AGENT: His name is Roger and he’s very thirsty.

SARAH: Well, is he cute?

AGENT: I’m a guy, but I’m gay, and I would say that he’s semi-cute.

SARAH: Well, like what’s his number?

AGENT: I can arrange for you to meet him, but I can’t disclose his personal information any more than his name.

SARAH: I meant on a scale of one to ten.

AGENT: 6. And if I wasn’t gay… 5.

SARAH: Oh, and Where are you located?

AGENT: Sorry, I can’t disclose that.

SARAH: Really, I just heard the captain’s announcement on your end of the phone. Are you on the same plane as us?

AGENT: Oh, well, we’re not in India any more… so, I guess I can disclose my location. I’m just west of Los Angeles, near the Santa Monica Pier… okay, now more closer to Malibu.

SARAH: You’re funny. So ask Roger if he wants to meet me.

AGENT: Got it… (ring ring) Hi Roger. Sorry about putting you on hold for a second time. That is kind of our trademark over here. If you want to meet a foxy blonde press 1, if not then press 2, if you’re not sure then press 3.

PASSENGER: You’re not all out of foxy blondes, are you?

AGENT: No. Just Cokes.

PASSENGER: Okay, why not? While I’m waiting for my root beer I might as well. “1”

AGENT: If you want the foxy blonde to come to your seat press 1, if you want to go to her seat press 2.

PASSENGER: Okay, 2.

AGENT: Disclaimer: if your root beer arrives while you’re out of your seat, it might have to be returned.

PASSENGER: Just deliver a note to the girl’s seat number for “Roger.” Now, what’s her seat number?

AGENT: To learn the girl’s seat number press 1, and then enter your credit card information again.

PASSENGER: You guys are such opportunists!

AGENT: Yeah, but it sure beats Match.com — and is so much faster too. But just like Match, when I ask you about how your relationship is going, you can say that it’s all up in the air.

PASSENGER: Good point… oh here’s my root beer. Okay, here’s my credit information — again.

AGENT: Now you’re ready to visit your new girlfriend in Q3 — an aisle seat. Oh, one more thing.

PASSENGER: Let me guess, you’re going to try to get me to use my credit card for a 3rd time to buy her a drink?

AGENT: Not exactly, but I like the way you think. We were going to try to sell you a pass to the express bathroom after you finish your drink. There’s is a really long line for the regular bathroom and the captain is about to turn on the fasten your seatbelt sign.

PASSENGER: Okay, this is getting to be the point where I hang up on you, but first let me see if I like the girl.

AGENT: One last thing. If you do want the pass to the bathroom, for number one, press 1.

I asked the spirit of Steve Jobs for business advice & this is what he told me!

January 3, 2015 by 123outsource
Categories: Of Interest | Tagged | Leave a comment

I run several small web directories. It is not so similar to what Steve Jobs was involved with, but it involves automization and computers which is Steve Jobs’ passion. My psychic has no trouble communicating with departed spirits. We do this regularly, and there is nothing creepy about it. Normally we communicate with my guru(s), but this time I wanted to pursue a dream of mine. I read an article about entrepreneurs having a board of directors just like large corporations did. I thought this was an interesting idea, but didn’t know how to go about it. Getting a bunch of fancy experts in a room together was not only cost prohibitive, but impossible. But, then an idea dawned on me. Why not make a list of departed business geniouses and tap into their consciousness? We did not only that, but we also tapped into the consciousness of living people like Donald Trump and even the collective consciousness of Google which was really interesting. So, yes this really happened, and no, I’m not making this all up. Here is what Steve Jobs recommended to me:

(1) Do most of my work myself
I was shocked. I thought he would instruct me to delegate like most other business geniouses would. But, this was not his idea. He wanted me to automize my business to the point that I could run the whole thing with one hand tied behind my back. With programmers being the unpredictable and undependable types they are, I told him that on my budget it is hard to control these guys. But, I will try because Steve has a solid idea.

(2) Outsource to the Philippines
Steve liked the idea of outsourcing phone tasks to the Philippines. He liked using online chat and online forms instead of using a phone. In fact he recommended that I don’t use a phone at all for my business. I explained that we already had a lot of automation and that my customers preferred the personal touch more than half the time. But, Steve thinks the way he thinks based on what he thinks is cool. Perhaps I could train my customers into using purely online systems with a little coaching!

(3) Hiring help
Steve said that the type of people I’m hiring now are not disciplined enough. I need people who are smarter, more committed, and harder working with good communication skills. I’m not sure I can get all this on my budget, but it doesn’t hurt to shop around.

(4) Pricing
Finally, Steve Jobs said that I needed to raise my minimum prices for services. I agreed that my prices were too cheap, but his minimum price idea was not far from where we are now, so it all seemed very reasonable.

(5) Parting Advice
The most interesting thing he mentioned was that he wanted me to learn programming myself. I am not a technically minded person. But, knowing about coding might help dealing with the programmers. He also wanted me to read about great leaders in history going back to the 1500’s which sounded amazing. I think I’ll read about Thomas Jefferson, Macchiavelli, and Donald Trump as they are all very interesting to me.

Communicating with the spirit of Steve Jobs was very interesting. Since I can sense spirits, I saw how focused and intense Steve was and I liked that. He actually came to my room after my session with the psychic was over to stare at my computer screen and see exactly what it was that I did all day long. He only stayed for a few minutes, but it is flattering that a great spirit would take so much interesting in little old me! I think my session with Steve was very interesting. His answers were completely unexpected (other than the obsession with automization) and I am so happy that he spent a little time with me today! As it is my goal to have a real board of really smart people, I will continue to channel information from other brilliant individuals and organizations to see which strategies are popular across the board and to get some diversity in opinions. Each of the entities we asked through my medium gave very different advice and very unique tips which made me very happy and a little confused too!