Tag Archives: Marketingprofs

Developing the CEO within — a spiritual guide!

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Developing the CEO within!

It all sounds so spiritual. Look within young one! But, what if you don’t have a CEO within? If you run a small business, you are a CEO. You have to make executive decisions, but you might not make them like a professional. Sometimes it is good to ask, “If I were a real CEO, what would I do now?” You might ignore the problem entirely because it was small instead of getting all worked up about it. Or you might find a long range plan of solving the problem in a way that enhances your business model. Just finding quick fix solutions to problems is not very CEO-ish if you ask me!

How to develop your CEO consciousness
First, meditate on the Buddha for four hours a day, fast for a month, and then ask me. Just kidding! If you give yourself simulated business problems, or interact with other people who have business problems, you begin to train your mind how to think three dimensionally about business issues. The more you think and hear how other people handle problems, the smarter you will be.

Reading books and magazines?
In my opinion, books and magazines are often very general about how they handle business issues. Media is concerned with huge acquisitions, and text books are concerned with theoretical issues that professors like to think about. A PhD in Microeconomics might not help you as much as hanging around on the street and seeing real business being done. I’m not discouraging you from reading books and magazines, but they rarely touch upon real life issues which are pertinent to you. It is better to experience problems first hand and talk to others who are a few steps up the evolutionary ladder than you are to learn how they would handle it.

Who would you learn better from?
If you could give me a choice of two business mentors, who would I choose? One has a double PhD from Yale, the other is a Mafia Boss. That’s a no-brainer (or a no-knee-capper). Mafia bosses not only understand a lot about business, but they understand human nature too. They know how to make people loyal to them, and need them. They have close knit extended families which gives them a wide net of connections. They know how to make relationships and develop them over Italian coffee and Tuscany white wine. They know how to assert their dominance better than most professors (but, I really shouldn’t generalize). They also know how to break relationships (and legs). They know how to pay people enough so they are not hated, but not so much, that those people no longer need them. They know a lot about competitive analysis (and making the competition leave town) as well. Proper grammar might not be their forte, but “You’s guys don’t need no grammar anyways”

Blogs can sometimes be the best business education
I love to read Harvard Business Review and Marketingprofs blogs. Sure, the content matter is not always applicable to my business, but I can learn some quick management and marketing facts that can change my business in five minutes or less. Reading a blog cannot get you into business, but it might be able to teach you a few tips how to do better if you are already afloat.

If you had a lemonade stand or lawn mowing business as a kid, your journey to CEO-hood has been sprouting for years now. There is hope for you. For your kids, ask them business questions and make them think. They might evolve into the next super-mogul all because of your help.

Anyway, “You’s guys have a nice night — capiche?”

(capiche is Sicilian for — “understand?”)

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Steve Jobs watched his programmers carefully — so should you!

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6 ways to be more in control of your business

Trick-or-Treater wearing Ann Handley costume knocks on my door

Categories: Humor | Tagged , | Leave a comment

This entry is purely fictional as nobody in my neighborhood goes trick or treating except to units advertising that they are “open” for Halloween.

It was a dark and windy night. Little kids kept coming to our door with expectant faces longing for an endless acquisition of candy. It all seemed so obsessive compulsive, and all at such a tender young age. A few witches, goblins, skeletons, cowboys, and others who looked like miniature members of “The Village People” came knocking. It was all so typical. I had seen it for so many decades. Nothing seemed to change.

Then a few minutes later, a girl came in very distinctive, tell-tale black glasses — the same exact kind Ann Handley wears in her pictures and uses in her graphics for social media posts. The girl was wearing the same shawl that Ann Handley wore in pictures too. What was this? Was this an eighth grader’s idea of a costume?

ME: Young lady, aren’t you a little young to be an Ann Handley look-alike?

GIRL: Well, actually, in my age group, statistically 2.3% of the market segments of eighth graders from my parent’s income bracket in my town and similar towns in California are interested in marketing including sub-segments of Social Media Marketing, B2B, email marketing, and other marketing specialties.

ME: Well, you certainly know your metrics.

GIRL: Those are segments, not metrics. However, I learned that in this neighborhood, 43.2% of homes will open their doors for trick-or-treaters between the hours of 7pm and 8:45pm, but what we call the “bounce rate” starts rising gradually after that.

ME: I guess one of us did her homework! So, what’s your favorite neighborhood to go trick-or-treating, metrics aside?

GIRL: I like the neighborhood directly East of here. They are mostly Mexican and often offer SALSA & CHIPS to trick or treaters. Unfortunately, one played a trick on us and put some habanero sauce and mixed it in the salsa without warning us.

ME: Interesting. Well, I have asked you some questions. Would you like to ask me any?

GIRL: Yes, I have walked several blocks to get to your area. I’m tired, exhausted, and have lost my will to bang on doors anymore. Now that I am in your doorway, my only question is — WILL THERE BE SNACKS?– or treats?

ME: It is uncanny how similar you are to Ann Handley. Her two obsessions in life seem to be fun marketing articles that appeal to people’s emotions, that are fun, easy to read, and packed with meaningful marketing knowledge. Her other obsessions is asking, “Will there be snacks?”

GIRL: Well, you know us eighth graders, our teachers make us do a lot of reading.

ME: Interesting. Well, you will be very interested in the types of treats I have. Since I’m tired of young children who want a happy Halloween experience — since that is NOT what this holiday is supposed to be about: I have Habanero potato chips. Wanna bag?

GIRL: Hmm. Well, I lived through it once. I was thinking more along the lines of Snickers.

ME: Well, speaking of chocolate, not that you brought that to my attention, I had habanero dark chocolate from wine country. I was going to buy the cabernet chocolate, but I thought I’d get this instead to spice things up a little too much.

GIRL: You’re getting warmer.

ME: I also have wasabe chips and … oh look here. I do have a Snickers bar. It is in the pumpkin here on the table.

GIRL: Okay (reaching… )

A horrifying hand that is disfigured, oozing with ooze, and very bony with long fingernails sticks out of the pumpkin.

GIRL: (Shrieks) Ahhhhhhhh!

The girl bolted and ran so fast, that all that remained, was a pair of distinctive Ann Handley style black glasses on the ground. Miraculously, they were not broken. They survived this 14 year old marketing virtuoso, and the fall to the ground. And so ends my charming Halloween marketing tale. Until next time!